#standagainstbullying

From fifth grade until I graduate high school, I dealt with bullies. I had peers tease me because of my weight, because of my chest (I developed early), because of things I did or said. It was devastating. I used to think I deserved it, that I acted like a weirdo or said/did crazy things that deserved taunting. Now that I am thirty, I realize that no matter what I did or how I acted, I didn’t deserve that treatment. No one deserves that treatment.

Last year was Talan’s first year of school. Within the first two months of school, he encountered his first bully. He was walking home from school when two kids, brothers, chased after him and beat him up, repeatedly punching him in the stomach. Luckily, our neighbor kid (a freshmen in high school), broke it up. He also followed the boys home and told their father what they had done. When Talan came home, in tears, I immediately emailed his teacher (one of the kids was in his class) as well as the principal. The kids were “talked to” and we didn’t have any more problems that year.

Yesterday, Talan came home upset because of the same kids had said three “naughty” words to him. Thankfully this time there was no punching involved but that does not make it any better.

My son is six. SIX. I always had a fear that he would encounter bullies but that fear was reserved for junior high when puberty makes everyone crazy and mean. I also had a bigger fear of bullying for my daughter, knowing firsthand how awful girls can be at any age. I was not prepared to deal with bullies in Kindergarten and first grade. I did not know kids knew how to be young before they even knew how to read.

I truly believe that kids, humans, are not born with the capacity to hate or to hurt others. I think all children are born innocent and loving. If you hold a baby, you will see someone who is trusting and happy. Even toddlers do not possess the ability to be mean on purpose…at least not on their own. Biting, pinching, kicking, these are all learned behaviors. For those boys to be mean to my son, they had to have learned that behavior. I’m not accusing their parents of punching them as it is more likely that it was behavior learned from a television show or a movie. The naughty words? Those probably came from the same source…or a parent.

As a parent, my heart broke for my son. I could not believe anyone could be cruel to my sweet innocent boy. My first reaction was to go hunt those boys down, yell at them, threaten them, basically I wanted to make them feel as bad as Talan felt. Even yesterday, in the heat of the moment, I still wanted to go and give them my own version of a “talking to”. Thankfully, I did not react in the moment and was more concerned with Talan’s feelings.

As a parent, my heart broke for my son’s bullies. After working with children who were diagnosed with Emotional Behavior Disorders, I know that so many negative behaviors are learned. I learned that usually the kids who act the worst, are the ones treated the worst, and the ones who need love the most. Does it excuse their behavior? Of course not but it makes it easier to understand. I can understand why a child would lash out at mine---they do not know how to handle their emotions and they are simply doing what they have seen done. Additionally, they clearly do not have a role model in their lives to teach them right from wrong.

It’s hard to explain to a six year old why people are mean. It’s hard to make him understand that not everyone is nice, sadly. And it’s hard to tell him to ignore naughty words or to just report bad behavior. In his world, everyone should be friends with everyone. Unfortunately, the world does not work that way and it shatters my soul every time I have to explain to him that not everyone is nice and that some people are filled with anger (we use Anger from Pixar’s Inside Out as an example) and have no room for joy or love.

Sadly, I am positive this will not be the last time Talan deals with bullies. I also know that my daughter and my unborn daughter will likely deal with them at some point in their lives as well. The most I can do is be there for them, wipe their tears and bandage their knees. The best I can do is make sure they are never the bully. My children can be gay, trans, republican, democrat, atheist, hell even Chicago Bear fans, but the minute they are mean to others we will have a problem.

I am ordering a shirt through a wonderful website called Wire and Honey for Talan to proudly wear (and when he’s done it will be passed on to his sisters. *I am in no way being sponsored for this promotion from Wire and Honey. They have no fore knowledge of this blog post.* Wire and Honey has a line of kids’ clothes called #kidsforchange. Talan will be sporting their shirt “Stand Against Bullying” as soon as it arrives. I can make sure my child is not a bully and that he stands up for others. And hopefully, he can be a role model for others who do not have one.

(Find Wire and Honey products here: http://www.wireandhoney.com)