Mom Friends

Making mom friends is the worst. Seriously. The. Worst.

I am not good at making friends. When I was younger, I did not have this problem. I saw someone who was roughly my age, walked up to them and said, “I’m Jenna. We are now friends.” This worked well for me when I was six years old. This tactic does not work well for adults.

My three closest friends are wonderful and I love them dearly. However, none of them have children and none of them live close. Both are requirements for mom friends. When we moved to Minnesota, I knew I would have to make new friends and that at least fifty percent of these friendships would have to be parenting friendships. Over a year later and I have failed on friendships.

How am I supposed to go about making mom friends? Go to parks and strike up conversations with strangers? Knowing my luck I’d say something like, “Geez can you believe that one little asshole shoving the little kids down?” And it’d be his mom I’d say this too. Or I would find a friendly parent only to realize that while we are at the same park, we live 30 minutes apart. Again, this is not conducive for parenting friendships.

Of course, proximity isn’t the only requirement for finding a mom friend. I need her to have kids roughly the same age as mine so we can get together for play dates. Also, if our kids are peers it’s easier to relate, “Can you believe how hard potty training is? If diapers were cheaper I’d just let her wear them until she’s ten.” It also helps to have kids the same age so we can get our kids involved in the same activities, ensuring a backup plan in case we miss a practice or need a lift to a game.

I think the hardest part of finding mom friends, though, is the non-superficial things. Can I meet a mom and simply ask, “Do you believe in vaccinations? Do you have guns in your house? How do you discipline your kids?” All of these questions are important, extremely important, yet they aren’t something you ask complete strangers. For instance, Talan wanted to go play in our neighbor’s house yesterday and I told him no. They seem like a nice enough family but I have only met the mom once and I have no clue if there are guns/weapons in the house or how safe their house is or what kind of language is used around the children. Sometimes I feel as if I’m over protective or a helicopter mom, then I think what might happen if I am not vigilant. Is being over protective worth it if it saves my son from an accidental shooting? God yes. Is it worth it if I’m saving my family from a disease caused by a non-vaccinator? Hell yes. Still, it makes parenting and finding friends hard.

I had heard from moms in the past that finding mom friends was even harder than dating. I had no idea but they were right. Finding mom friends is even worse than dating. For one thing, you aren’t trying to find someone with just your interests but you’re trying to find someone who has your interests plus your kids’ interests. Additionally, you want someone who lives in your area and it’s a huge bonus if this person is zoned for the same schools are you.

It’s hard, harder than I ever imagined it would be. Yet still I keep trying and attempting to socialize (even though I’m horrible at it and find it painful at times) because we, as human beings, need each other. As mothers, we need each other even more. We cannot be isolated or our kids will surely drive us insane at an incredible rate. So here’s to mom friends, making them and keeping them. Good luck, it’s rough out there.