“HELP ME, MOMMY! HELP ME!” As my six year old son screamed
this at me, hot tears streaming down his face, looking at me with helplessness
on his face, my heart broke. I had never felt so utterly powerless as a mother.
My son was experiencing his first night terror and I did not know what to do.
For some reason, I knew he was experiencing a night terror
as opposed to a nightmare. Maybe it was three books on sleep training I had
read when he was an infant or maybe I just remembered when my younger cousin
had them (I had never seen her have one, only heard tales from my mom who heard
from my cousin’s dad.)
The following morning, I took to Google to learn more. The
website, WebMd.com offered the most useful information. According to WebMd,
night terrors usually occur in children ages 3-12 (Talan is 6). The website went
on to explain the different sleep stages and said that most night terrors
typically occur 90 minutes after a child has fallen asleep. (This little tidbit
has proven valuable as I now know to wait at least 90 minutes after Talan goes
to sleep before I fall asleep since there’s no point in going to sleep only to
be awoken by a screaming child.) WebMd also states that “night terrors are characterized
by frequent recurrent episodes of intense crying and fear during sleep, with
difficultly arousing the child. Unlike nightmares, most children do not recall
a dream after a night terror episode, and they usually do not remember the
episode the next morning”.
Everything I continued to read on the internet and from
library books has proven that Talan did, indeed, have a night terror that first
night and has continued to have them once, sometimes twice, a night. He never
remembers having them or what scared him or even that he woke up. Every time he
has one, he screams out for me, is crying hot tears and usually pointing on
something only he can see, asking for help. A few times he has told me he
“couldn’t get it” or mumbled distinct words that didn’t make sense, as if he
was missing the nouns in his sentences. The end is always the same though; I
walk him back to bed, tuck him in, and he rolls over to go right to sleep.
The whole episode cannot last longer than two minutes (much
shorter now that we do not try to wake him or ask him what’s scaring him) and
is more jarring and scarring for my husband and me than it is for him. I’m
often left shaken, devastated that my son could be so terrified, and helpless,
not only because I cannot help him but because I cannot stop them. According to
kidshealth.org, a website devoted to children’s health, development and
behaviors, a night terror is “a sleep disruption that seems similar to a
nightmare, but with a far more dramatic presentation.” The website goes on to
say “Though night terrors can be alarming for parents who witness them, they’re
not usually cause for concern or a sign of a deeper medical issue.” Thankfully,
this is, indeed, the case as Talan never remembers his night terrors. The only
evidence of them is his crabbiness, which I can only assume is a result of his
waking and disrupted sleep.
I am unsure how long these episodes will last. Apparently,
he can keep this up for another 5 years, FIVE YEARS of fitful sleeping, on his
part and mine. There’s no way I will survive, although the next year won’t be
too difficult as I will be dealing with a newborn and nursing. And even though
they only last for a couple of minutes now, WebMd states that some episodes can
last for thirty minutes. For his sake, and mine, I hope they stay short and
that he can outgrow them relatively soon. At least I can take comfort in the
fact that he doesn’t know what’s going on and even though there is apparently
no underlying concern or cause for them, it makes me wonder what is scaring him
so badly.
I thought when he was bullied in kindergarten that I would
never feel as helpless then he started having night terrors. I think it was
easier to deal with the bullies as they had faces (and parents to talk to) and
we could fight them together (with proper responses such as walking away, no
physical altercations). Night terrors are invisible, they are a ghost that is
haunting my son, and he cannot fight them and I cannot fight them for him. But
the question remains, if he doesn’t remember them do they need to be fought? Do
I just hold him, lead him back to bed and act as if nothing happened?
Apparently, according to WebMd and the book Healthy Sleep Habits, Healthy
Child by Marc Weissbluth, that is exactly what I should do. Apparently, as
a mother, that’s the best thing I can do. If I didn’t feel helpless before, I
sure do now.
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