When I was younger, I often played with dolls as did most kids my age. And by play with dolls I mean I changed their outfits, strolled them in my Fisher Price stroller then left them in the middle of the room for my parents to trip over. Clearly, I was training to be a spectacular mother.
The thing about parenting is you can never be prepared. You can take classes before your baby is born, you can take classes from "experts" on children's behavior while your kid is growing but none of it truly prepares you for being a parent. I talk with my friends who are parents, my aunts and mom and receive plenty of advice-some good some not-yet I still have no clue what I am doing as a mother.
Every day life is hard for kids. It's hard for everyone. I think it's harder for parents because we see our children struggle with daily life and we don't know how to explain it to them because we ourselves don't understand it. My oldest is six years old and still blissfully unaware of most of life's cruelty. I was spared trying to tell him about the Orlando shootings because it wasn't news on Nick Jr. or PBS. I was further more spared having to explain to him about the Dallas police shootings. But what happens when he does ask? What will I say? Or am I being a negligent mom because I haven't mentioned the previous news stories to him? What is the right way?
I dread the day my son asks me why people of other races are treated differently because other than telling him, "Well, some people are simply assholes." I don't know how to answer. In his eyes, everyone is the same, they are simply judged on whether or not they will play with him. It makes no difference what race someone is, their religious affiliation, their political affiliation, their income...really none of it matters as long as you want to play. He'll even teach you all about Star Wars and Ninja Turtles if you aren't fortunate enough to know EVERYTHING about them. I love his innocence and I think that that is what makes me hesitate to shatter is bubble.
As parents, none of us really know what we're doing. As a woman, I barely know what I'm doing. I'm trying to do my best. I love my kids, I teach my kids, I try to show them what is right and what is wrong. But I struggle to teach them about how others' view right and wrong. How can I tell them I know what's right or what is best when clearly these people who are shooting others and hating others believe that they are right and what they are doing is good?
One day, sooner than I would like, my son is going to come to me and ask why other people hate certain people or why someone got shot because of their race or why some other kid called someone a racial slur, and I won't have any good answer. All I will be able to tell him is that race doesn't matter to us and it shouldn't matter to anyone but unfortunately, some people are filled with hate and anger and they cannot control it. All I will be able to tell him is that I think those people are wrong and that no one should be judged by things they cannot control. All I will be able to tell him is that we should accept and celebrate other's differences. And, hopefully, I will be able to show him through my own actions that none of that matters; all that matters is how someone treats others and still, we should be kind to those people. I will hopefully be able to show him that love trumps hate and that what this world, now more than ever, needs is love. I will hopefully be able to show him that the only enemy we face is hate.
No, I do not know if my way is the best way but I do know that I am trying my best. I am trying to make my children into adults who will better the world. I'm going to mess up, I'm going to make mistakes but hopefully my children will know that I love them, that I try and that while I may not know everything, at least I know how to love and accept others.
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